The spring semester brought new adventures including being Editor-in-Chief of our campus magazine, The Bull. But, in the back of my head I knew that above all else, the spring would be nothing like the fall – or would it? Especially because I took a deep breath and opened up yet another rejection letter.
There is a high chance that I will be no farther from home than I am now come this fall, and THAT makes me want to cry.
I have to put on a brave face for my staff at the magazine and they comfort me saying that it wasn’t meant to be or that I would have hated the weather anyway.
My rejection from a Cal State in Northern California came via email in February letting me know that more competive applicants had been considered.
It was the nicest way to say that I wasn’t good enough, but in all honestly, at least I got an explanation, all I got from another Cal State was “admission denied.”
The funny thing is that I contemplated the “what if’s” last night. Not over a pint of beer like most college students, but while coloring. Yes coloring, as crazy as it sounds I sat with my friend Gena on her living room floor while watching an old episode of Family Guy.
She brought up the topic of school and asked me if I had heard back from any of them.
I don’t know why, but for the first time I didn’t censor myself. Usually I would say, “oh you know, it’s just a waiting game.” But this time I didn’t. Maybe it’s because the coloring put me in a relaxed state, or maybe because it was time for me to face reality. Without making eye contact, I told her I was scared.
And it’s true. I am scared. This June I’m turning 25, I’m no where near where I thought I would be, let alone where I should be. Now I know people say that everyone is different, blah, blah, blah. No! I’ve been in community college for the last 6 years!
I had one more school to hear from, another Cal State, and well to be honest, I don’t feel confident about being accepted.
Maybe it’s too late for me. I think I’ll just become one of those stories they’ll tell college freshman in order to “scare them straight.”
I guess I should change my name from 24 and overboard to 24 and sinking fast, because it is getting hard to breathe.
By 24 and Overboard